Contentment: Reflections On Lent

I was lying in bed staring at the sparkly lights across the room when I realized: I don’t feel sad or anxious or bad at all. I’m not manic or even necessarily happy but content.

I looked up the word “content” on my dictionary app (my fav app) and its history is long and distinguished but one of its early meanings gave me the language to express what I’m feeling right now: “Sense evolved through “contained,” “restrained,” to “satisfied,” as the contented person’s desires are bound by what she already has.”

This Lent, I gave up extraneous noise and devotionals that I discerned I was using to satisfy my anxious psyche. It took real discipline to sit in silence with the Lord day after day. Now, at the culmination and release from Lenten commitments, I find myself craving silence with the Lord. I’m okay just being alone, he and I, again.

But this contentment didn’t come without trial. It was a fight to be present to the Lord, and, in opening myself up to Reality, opening myself up to my pain. Two verses keep running through my head as I type this. James 1:2,3 in the Weymouth NT translation: “Reckon it nothing but joy…whenever you find yourselves hedged in by the various trials. Be assured that the testing of your faith leads to the power of endurance.” I feel stronger now. Less like Much Afraid in the Hannah Hurnard’s classic Hinds’ Feet On High Places. I can feel that more power of endurance has been forged in me during this sojourn through Lent. It didn’t come easy, without nightmares or anxiety attacks or depression, but the Lord saw me through these 40 days and galvanized my weak little spirit with strength like a lion. Because in my weakness he is STRONG.

Thank you, Lord, for reigning me in and making me truly content on this the day of my Lord’s Resurrection. The journey is far from over and I am far from being “perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” but the Victory is won!