Highs and Lows

Many of my friends and leaders are at Rockbridge Alum Springs this week for a wonderful week of Young Life camp. Here, the Gospel is shared to high schoolers in a real and accessible way. This is the first trip since I started doing Young Life that I haven't been able to go on but I am so excited to hear the ways God has been working there this week!

One thing that each cabin normally does is have each camper share their highs and lows, pows and wows, pits and peaks, etc., of the day. It is one of my favorite things to do so I figured I will share some highs and lows of my life in the past few weeks.

Low: Finding out about the mass in my pancreas. I have never been more anxious.

High: Finding out about the mass in my pancreas. I have never run to God with such urgency and desperation. I have never been met by any person with such love and faithfulness.

Low: Being imprisoned in a hospital room. I am a go, go, go, sleep when you're dead kind of person. I am going absolutely nuts sitting in this stupid room. I have not seen the light of day for a full week now and I am dying to get out. 

High: Being imprisoned in a hospital room. I have spent a lot more time with my family before college, which is a blessing I probably would not have experienced with the busy summer I had planned. I am able to slow down and listen to the heart of Jesus. I am given time to think and meditate and pray on the Word. This, too, is a blessing for which I can be nothing but thankful.

Low: Only having 10 days of full-fledged summer before the pain of surgery and inhibitions of recovery. I will not be able to do half of what I normally would with the injury to my abdomen and requirements of tube feeding and stomach draining.

High: Only having 10 days of full-fledged summer before the pain of surgery and inhibitions of recovery. I have never made more of 10 days in my life! Every concert I went to, every conversation I had, everything was amplified in the most beautiful way. It showed me a better view of what life can be when we recklessly abandon everything to follow Jesus.

Low: The doctors and nurses- I've dealt with a vast amount of people over the past week in an intimate enough way that I can pursue real conversation as they constantly change my drainage tubes and give me shots. On days that I am stubborn or apathetic and don't focus my heart on Christ, I fail miserably at loving these people. It is kind of a slap in the face.

High: The doctors and nurses- Though I cannot possibly love every single doctor and nurse I come into contact with(human nature, people), I am reminded, again, of the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. And our very real dependence on it in becoming more like the people the God created us to be. One specific example involves a med student that has trained on me for two night shifts(basically keeping me alive). I already have a hard time dealing with the training aspect of this hospital; sometimes I just want the best care the fastest. Additionally, this girl did not rub me the right way. The very real and bratty side of me came out the first night she was assigned to me. I wouldn't say my standoffish actions towards her were extremely horrible or unwarranted by worldly standards, but they definitely did not glorify the good Lord above. When she blew out THREE veins at FOUR IN THE MORNING, I was, needless to say, pissed. The second night she was assigned to me, I was, again, unenthused. I remember looking up and saying, "Very funny." But thinking hard on Jesus and praying for my heart every time I pressed the call button resulted in a 1:04am conversation about Jesus with her. It was so cool!!! We talked about a life with faith and dealing with hardships while walking with the Lord and it was such a beautiful moment of realizing what God can do with our hearts if we are willing. When she left, I looked up and smiled.

Those are just a few of the highs and lows I have experienced over the past week. I'm sure the learning is not done and I am so excited for that. Things are definitely hard. This is the hardest thing I have EVER dealt with in my very short life, for so many reasons. The pain, the lack of sleep (yeah, hospitals=no sleep), the boredom, the fear, the anger, the doubt. There are a lot of things going on in my heart right now: far too many to write about. But I growing and transforming in the Spirit each day I am here. Things are moving and shaking all around me, but one thing's for sure: a life with Jesus looks a lot better, folks, there is no doubt about that.

What I am listening to:

"Keepsake" -State Radio

"Seven Chinese Brothers" -R.E.M. 

"1940(Amplive remix)" -The Submarines

"Working Poor" -Horse Feathers

"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28