5 Things Cancer Taught Me

Hi. So, I was probably drunk on the 5^th anniversary of my surgery. I had friends over for charcuterie and reminiscing about what my life held because I got to experience it the past five years. Anyways, I wasn’t in the right state of mind at that time to make a post like this so here you go.

1. How to belly laugh

One of the first things my current boyfriend said to me on our first date was how much he loved my laugh. And I have cancer to thank for that. This one was in my post for year four as well because it’s so dang true. “She laughs without fear of the future” in Proverbs 31 is real. I have looked death in the face and can say that Jesus truly is stronger. Therefore I have reason to laugh at the tiniest things. If you’re around me for much time, you’ll hear me laughing, not because life isn’t hard, but because it is. Joy is our buoyancy.

2. How to cry

While I did learn the importance of a good belly laugh, I also learned how holy tears are. This year I learned that Jews during Jesus’ time collected their tears in glass vials (I forget the reason why except that it was because they revered tears) so when the woman “wept” at Jesus’ feet, it very well could have meant that she broke her lifelong vial at his feet. Weeping is holy. As Rumi and so many great sages have said, the broken places are how the light gets in. I cry easy now. And I’m not ashamed because I’ve looked death in the face and seen that Jesus truly is stronger. I can cry because he was weak for me, because he wept too. Let ‘em flow, y’all. Let ‘em flow.

3. I’m not that important

No, I don’t have a self-esteem issue. I just see clearly that I am one of billions of suffering, laughing, loving people that God cares about and that it is important to count others as more important than yourself. My mom’s nickname for me growing up was H.M.D.Q.—High Maintenance Drama Queen. But I can honestly say that’s changed because I’ve looked death in the face and seen that Jesus truly is stronger. I don’t have to be the center of attention. I find myself much more comfortable on the outskirts of the room at a party listening to the stories of whoever wants to tell me theirs than being in the middle with all eyes on me like I used to. I don’t have to be first place because Love is first place in God’s economy, not me.

4. Love is the reason for everything

I’ve always thought that Love was the magnificent ether, the Grand Unified Theory. But now I know it’s true and I don’t have to try wildly to convince anybody. It just is. Here’s a clip from a great movie from 2016 called Collateral Beauty: click here

5. Our time here is short but important

We don’t all get a full life (although I recently heard a report that the number of centenarians is exploding). Jack Pearson’s death is enough to teach us that *quiet sob. But our time here affects our eternity and everybody else’s. I can’t explain it but I just know how interconnected it all is now. We’re all connected: from the newborn baby to the dying chain-smoker. Your life matters, infinitely. I wish I could tell you how I know this but I guess you just have to trust that my glimpse beyond the veil afforded me this knowledge. Pay attention to how you treat people.

There you go. There’s my great wisdom of the age of 24, 5 years after I looked death in the eyes and saw that Jesus truly is stronger.

*Bonus point

Don’t be so certain about what you hold to be certain. Test your beliefs (or whatever you want to call them). If they’re true, they’ll hold true; don’t sweat it. And if not, do you really want to live in a way that isn’t true?