Death, Be Not Proud

“Cancer.” The word rung through me like a mighty church bell. I instantly went into a state of shock when the doctors told me, one silent tear rolling down my cheek. I think my mom was trying to contain her silent sobs in the corner of the room.

We went to ABP in Macarthur and got something to eat. My parents were put off by my cheery disposition. I was young and naïve but I loved God and believed he could truly get me through this.

We were leaving the mall and while passing Hot Topic (lol) I saw none other than Whitney Walsh. She was the very first person I told about the diagnosis and all she did was give me a great, big hug. For future reference, that’s a great way to respond to someone who’s just told you they have cancer; save your hallmark words for Valentine’s Day. It was funny because later that night we were supposed to go to the 1975 concert at the Norva. “I totally understand if you don’t want to go,” she said. “No, I think it would be good for me,” I said.

Fast-forward 3 hours, we meet at a local coffee shop to chat before the concert. “There’s a man from my church [Big House, for you locals]. I don’t know him very well but we’re going to get him to prophesy over you. Now, these were my pre-Pentecostal days so I was unsure what that meant, but I went along for the ride. I can’t ever recall what the man looked like or what his name was, only that he was probably in his mid-twenties. He prayed a generic prayer over me as we solemnly bowed our heads then he looked up and said, “Anna, I don’t think this is the end for you; I think it’s just the beginning.” ‘Whatever you say,’ I thought.  I thanked him and we left for the concert.

Days later I discovered a beautiful song by Gungor called “This Is Not The End” which I played as my personal prophetic anthem as I drove the back roads of Chesapeake sobbing and holding my abdomen with the little alien living inside. Here are the lyrics:

This is not the end
This is not the end of this
We will open our eyes wide, wider

This is not our last
This is not our last breath
We will open our mouths wide, wider

And you know you’ll be alright
Oh and you know you’ll be alright

This is not the end
This is not the end of us
We will shine like the stars bright, brighter

Today I was taking out cash at a local gas station to pay for an eyebrow wax. I scrolled far back into my iTunes and found this song. I was delighted for it always brings me back to a time of victory. However, this time I was pissed off.

Why did my cancer story end in such triumphant victory when so many end in deepest tragedy?

I thought of all the people who I specifically knew that have passed away since 2013. It’s not fair. Why do I get to celebrate while others lament?

I have no idea why, but I’ve been meditating on Death lately. Not in a morbid way, just in a sort of passive way. I found an Audrey Assad EP whose titular track is “Death, Be Not Proud.” And I’ve been listening to it on repeat. Here are the lyrics.

Death, be not proud, though the whole world fear you:
Mighty and dreadful you may seem,
But death, be not proud, for your pride has failed you
You will not kill me.
Though you may dwell in plague and poison,
You're a slave to fate and desperate men,
So death, if your sleep be the gates to Heaven,
Why your confidence?
When you will be no more,
You will be no more,
When you will be no more.
Even death will die.
Even death will die.

Death, be not proud.
Death, be not proud.
Death, be not proud,
Cause even death will die.

The final straw was hearing that a sweet woman I knew in passing (who probably doesn’t even know my name) was in hospice care for devastating cancer.

Why, O LORD, why? Why must she suffer? Why will she die yet I live?

Maybe it’s survivor’s guilt, but I think it’s more than that. We just weren’t built for death. Yes, I know the science that everything tends towards atrophy, but I think that’s a massive defect caused by the symbolic Fall of man and the introduction of original sin.

Satan’s pride brought about Adam and Eve’s sinning and subsequently our sinning and the atrophying of the entire known universe.

But I demand life. And life to the full. I demand the opposite of death. I demand resurrection. And what I demand today while sitting in my cozy little bed was wrought for me, for us, 2000 years ago on a hill called Calvary.

“The last enemy to be destroyed is Death” (1 Corinthians 15:26 NIV).

God says Death is the enemy and it shall be destroyed. And I believe we take part in that now. John said in his first epistle that, “The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the Devil” (1 John 2:8 NASB). Well, I am a daughter of God just like Jesus; He’s my big brother and growing up I always copied my big brothers, so why stop now? And the biggest work of the devil is Death: physical death, death of dreams, death of faith, death of hope, death of a will to live, etc.. I’m not talking about raising the dead; I’m talking about combatting the effects of Death on our planet. Here are some preliminary suggestions off the top of my head that might help you do this:

1) Worship God

Like Jehoshaphat’s story exemplified, praise is literally a weapon. Facing a daunting battle, God told the Israelite soldiers to worship and let him do the fighting. And as they worshipped, he set ambushes that caused chaos for the enemy and victory for the Israelites. Here’s an excerpt from my blog from June 24^th, 2013, from when I had just graduated high school and just days before my risky and uncertain surgery/biopsy:

Last night, about 15 people gathered and worshipped in the presence of the Holy Spirit. I didn’t know what it would look like, but I felt the need to fill up my living room for Him. By six o’clock, everybody who was supposed to be there, was, praising the Lord in truth and joy. It could have been awkward because I’ve never held anything like that before but two of our awesome Young Life leaders, Jess and Scott, lead it as a time of song and prayer and just being with our sweet Savior. People read scripture and talked about what was on their hearts and as a community, we shared life. It was beautiful, it was revolutionary, it was like the days of old. And that’s why I’ve beaten it. Why we are conquering something bigger than a mass in my body. We are conquering death.

2) Labor to protect, rehabilitate, and conserve the environment

This is admittedly a week point in my faith, but I know it is a very important topic to the Lord. In Genesis, man was given the task of cultivating the earth. We’ve made a mess of things but we are called to hope for change and then work to fight for that change. Just type in ‘international wildlife preservation’ on google and a whole host of websites such as WWF will pop up. That should get you started.

3) Recognize the inherent dignity of every human being

“Let Us make man in Our image” (Genesis 1:26). That’s ALL of us; not just the saved. That’s the coworker who annoys you and the homeless person on the street. That’s the Afghan girl mutilated by the Taliban and the Taliban members who did it. Jesus said to let this world know Him by our (believers’) love. The first part of that is dignifying every human with respected personhood.

4) Pray

I don’t pray for healing that often but I do pray for the glory of God to overshadow Death. I pray for people to die well. I pray for salvation out of the ashes and sackcloth of dying.

5) Do not be afraid of Death

Oh, little Lamb, you are the beloved of God. When you pass, you will see him and become like him because you will see him face to face (cf. 1 John 3:2). If you are a believer, to die truly is gain.

6) Die well

Ever since our birth, the biological clock has been ticking for our inevitable deaths. We are all dying all the time. So choose your life carefully and choose to die well. If that means to pray, pray. If that means to give, give. And if that means to go, go. We in the West live a cushy lifestyle but we could be filling up what is lacking Christ’s afflictions. We can suffer for Christ in serving him and thus use our time wisely. I’m still praying about what this means for me, personally, and I pray that you would, too.

“’Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it’” (Matthew 16:24-25 NASB)

“When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.”

Deitrich Bonhoeffer

I know that this is a heavy blog post. But I truly feel like death is something the Church needs to talk about more openly instead of treating it like some great big monster we keep stuffed in the closet with the ancient relics. There is a real curse over our land, our world, but God has the ability to reverse it: “…but our God turned the curse into a blessing” (Nehemiah 13:2 HCSB). So won’t you come along, dearly beloved; take his hand and come along into the fullness of life.